Just listened to both parts of your excellent PolyWeekly interview. Well done, both you & the Minx!

Thanks also for answering my question regarding communication about safer sex in open relationships. I agree, you have to get much more specific than just “safer sex,” since people have very different ideas about what they need or expect in that regard.

I’d like to take this a little further. I’d love to hear your thoughts/advice on these aspects of safer sex communication in open relationships:

1) Safer sex is often surprisingly hard to discuss. People often have strong negative emotional reactions to communication about safer sex practices and agreements. Some find discussing these details too clinical, invasive, unromantic, controlling — or as implying that someone’s not smart, “dirty,” or not trustworthy. How can people in an open relationship deal with these kinds of resistance — either by working through them, or by coming to terms with having only protected sex (even between committed partners, such as spouses).

2) People often attach a lot of symbolic or emotional meaning to unprotected sex — as a symbol of status (”as spouses, we’re fluid bonded, so protected sex only with all other partners”) or intimacy (getting rid of the barriers means we’re emotionally closer or more committed). Can this be a pitfall; and if so, how?

3) If you’re in a situation where two or more partners are fluid-bonded and someone wants to start having unprotected sex with another partner, what responsibilities do all of the people involved have in communicating about this issue up front? And what are some tips for handling the situation if someone in the original fluid-bonded group does not wish to be indirectly fluid-bonded with the new partner?

Thanks!

- Amy Gahran