My Kinky Wife

[Itinwi]

Hey there. Hi board.

I've been in an Open Relationship for about four years now (since reading Tristan's True Lust book, actually). It's a constant and fun game of negotiation and re-negotiation and constant communication. I love the communication. I really think every serious relationship should go through a similar process of choosing their rules and discussing why, even if they pick monogamy at the end of that conversation. The things that came up in those conversations were the last secrets my wife and I kept from each other. Neat.

Anyway, I ramble when I start talking about open relationships.

My wife is starting to get involved with the kink community in our town. I love it. She gets to go out and have a blast and do things that she finds immensely sexy and satisfying. Although I can indulge in some pretty heavy kink from time to time, I love not having all the weight of fulfilling her desires placed right on me.

It's a pretty sweet situation so far, but I wanted to say hey and introduce myself on this thread, because I'm really interested in seeing if there are other couples out doing this and doing it successfully where one partner is pretty heavily involved in the kink community and one is not. What were the tensions, problems that were unexpected, etc? For example, I've already met quite a few people in the community here and they really want me to come to a play party, but I think the parties just wouldn't be my thing. It sounds kinda silly, but I'm almost worried about outing myself as 'vanilla' to them, since I can hear that word used sometimes in a pretty demeaning way (and it's hard to choke down that I'd be considered vanilla when I like having my ass fucked, group sex, and have an active open marriage. Here I thought I was a rebel).

I've been writing quite a bit about the new kink twist to my open relationship on my blog lately, http://wesleeptogether.blogspot.com if you're one of them blog-reader-type-people.

[Tristan]

I talked to several couples for my book where one partner is kinky and the other is not, and I know many more. It's a much more common situation than you might think. I empathize with your hesitation about going to a play party. First, if you're really not into kink, it will probably feel strange and awkward, like me attending a Republican Pro-Life Ladies Luncheon. So you may want to consider that it's easier for you to attend social events with her kinky friends rather than actual play parties. Second, I totally hear you on being talked down to as "vanilla," it, unfortunately, does happen. I think you need to be confident in who you are and just shrug off any snotty comments, if they do come your way.

[glamgothdiva]

Itinwi,

My husband is very vanilla and I am not. In fact when we met I was working actively as the top Fetish MC in our region, I had been on HBO's real sex and had formerly had a fetish web site. I took him along for a few of my shows so he could see what I did. All though he loved seeing me in my element it was not his thing. Though my life is a bit less public now my desires for BDSM , kink, etc have not changed. Its been amazing because we do have many friends who I can enjoy these activities with. Some times he sends me off to event on my own, some times he watches while a friend plays with me. I remember once after a friend tied me up and beat on me in the most delicious fashion, asking me "does that really turn you on?". I told him yes but in a totally different way that any thing else. He shrugged said he doesn't understand it but is happy that I am happy. I think that is the beauty of our relationship. We lack nothing because we do not hold so tight to each other that we can not grasp the amazing world all around us. Our hands, hearts and arms are open to be filled... trusting that we have chosen to walk side by side accepting all that comes our way.