Hi everyone - my tour plans have finally been set, and I’m excited to say that I’ll be doing a number of classes & lectures on polyamory and non-monogamy next month! Here’s the info … you can also check out my Tour page for info on all of my appearances!

Sunday, November 8, 5:00 pm potluck, 6:00 pm workshop
Santa Fe, NM
KINKY POSSIBILITIES: OPEN RELATIONSHIPS IN THE SCENE
People who practice BDSM and those who are in Dominant/submissive relationships face unique challenges in both designing their open relationships and making them work. Relationship expert and bestselling author Tristan Taormino offers practical advice and strategies for dealing with specific issues related to being open and kinky. We’ll cover: common open relationship styles within BDSM communities and how they can work best; creative ways for giving everyone a voice in the negotiation process; dealing with jealousy and other intense feelings; and practical conflict resolution skills. In the interactive facilitated portion of this workshop, participants will be encouraged to share their stories, issues, and solutions.
RSVP: see Fetlife event page for details!
Location: see FetLife event page for location & directions, not on FetLife? email me!
Info: colten (at) puckerup.com

Monday, November 16, 7:00 pm
Minneapolis, MN
DESIGNING YOUR OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Are you considering an open relationship? Does your current open relationship need some tweaking? In this interactive workshop, relationship expert and author of Opening Up, Tristan Taormino will explore common myths, real-life benefits and challenges, and how to decide if an open relationship is right for you.
You’ll learn to articulate what you want, identify and negotiate limits and boundaries, communicate with your partner(s) in productive ways, and create relationships that work for you.
Admission: $30, pre-registration is required
Save on tickets: sign up for multiple of Tristan’s in-store events and save!! Just $50 for 2 workshops, $60 for ALL THREE!
Info: 612-721-6088
Email: info (at) smittenkittenonline.com
URL: http://www.smittenkittenonline.com

Tuesday, November 17, 8;00 pm
Princeton University, NJ
Beyond Monogamy: The Case for Open Relationships
A Book Talk with Tristan Taormino
Relationship and sex expert Tristan Taormino offers a bold new strategy for creating loving, lasting relationships. Drawing on in-depth research, interviews with over a hundred women and men, and her own personal experiences, Tristan explores the real-life benefits and challenges of open relationships in her new book. With her refreshingly down-to-earth style and sharp wit, Taormino argues that we must question the fairy tales and challenge the myths we’ve been taught about love, sex, intimacy, and commitment- only then can we create relationships that are honest, fulfilling, and really work.
Sponsored by LeTS.
Location: TBA
URL: http://www.princeton.edu/lgbt/events/index.htm
Info: colten (at) puckerup.com

November 20-22, 2009
Worcester, MA
TRANSCENDING BOUNDARIES
6th Annual Conference
The Transcending Boundaries conference for bisexual/pansexual, trans/genderqueer, intersex, and polyamorous people and our allies. We are pleased to announce that this year’s keynote speaker will be renowned alternative sexualities speaker Tristan Taormino.
The conference strives to foster community, provide safe space, educate ourselves, and overcome societal sex, gender, and sexuality boundaries! Join us for open mic and Transgender Day of Remembrance reception, dynamic workshops, parties and entertainment, and a keynote luncheon with Tristan Taormino. We welcome everyone, from local, regional and national leaders in the bi, trans, intersex and poly communities to newcomers and allies. TBC works hard to make our conference safe, affordable and accessible for all.
Location: DCU Center and the Hilton Garden Inn in Worcester, MA
Admission: Register online at  www.transcendingboundaries.org

Hi all,

January was a very busy month for me, but I am happy to say I finished my new book for Quiver, The Big Book of Sex Toys! My first Quiver book, The Anal Sex Position Guide, comes out this spring, so stay tuned for details about it. Amazon finally has the new, final cover up, and it looks really hot! Speaking of heat, Penny Flame and I have been hard at work on the next Vivid-Ed movie, Penny Flame’s Expert Guide to Rough Sex, which will be out in March. I’m thrilled to report that Chemistry 3 has been selected to be screened at the 2009 CineKink Film Festival in New York City, and Chemistry 1 will be shown as part of the 10th Annual Red Dawns Feminist and Queer Festival in Ljubljana, Slovenia (March 5-8, 2009). I have also been working on a few new media projects, which I hope to tell you more about in the very near future! I meant to send this newsletter out at the beginning of the month, but I was swamped getting ready for Dark Odyssey: Winter Fire. I am happy to report that it was an amazing weekend!

Just before Dark Odyssey, I headed to Winter Wickedness in Ohio, where I taught and gave the keynote address; some local right wing nut protested the event, there were actually picketers and we were the top story on the local news! I have finally recovered from Dark Odyssey, and now I am packing for a quick trip to the West Coast where I’m speaking at University of Washington Bothell. This coming Friday I travel back to Washington, DC for some fantastic events, all sponsored by Whole, the sex-positive community center and boutique that opens later this year; events include an anal sex workshop, a VIP brunch, a reading with Open author Jenny Block at Georgetown, and The PolyAfterParty! I then hop over to Baltimore for a class at sex positive shop Sugar and a presentation at Goucher College. At the beginning of March, I will be at Food for Thought Books in Amherst for a Best Lesbian Erotica 2009 reading. I’ll definitely be ready for some R and R after that! As always, I hope to see some of you on the road!

with lube + affection,
Tristan

P.S. I’m still in love with Twitter, please come follow me: http://www.twitter.com/tristantaormino

Calling all heteros, bisexuals, queers, transfolk, genderqueers, crossdressers, swingers, sex-positive peeps, sex workers, pleasure activists, Tantra people, Pagans, sacred sexuality lovers, and freaks…Join us Valentine’s Weekend—February 13-15, 2009—for the 5th Annual Dark Odyssey: Winter Fire. This unique event features nationally known presenters, top-notch workshops, infamous special events, incredible vendors, unbelievable playspaces, and an amazing Saturday night dinner banquet and show. Presenters include Amanda Wildefyre, Barbara Carrellas, Dossie Easton, Lolita Wolf, Penny Flame (that’s right, learn the most amazing hand job techniques from the master herself!), Princess Donna of Kink.com (Directrix of WiredPussy.com and models on lots of other sites; her appearance on TheTrainingOfO.com is especially hot), Femcar, Dan & dawn, Trent of Evolutionary Tantra, me, and many more to be announced! It all happens at a gorgeous upscale hotel in Washington, DC. Remember that the earlier you register, the better rate you get!

Award-winning production company, Linton Media, is seeking to cast a new docu-reality series based on the lives of polyamorous or poly-curious individuals and their partners.  There is strong network interest in the show. Looking for serious auditions only.

Are you 20-35 years old, dynamic, charismatic and not at all afraid to show your authentic side?  Are you a married couple and just integrating polyamory into your relationship?  Gay, straight, bi-sexual, trans and have never really heard of polyamory or how it works but, willing to explore?  Are you someone who has always been prone to affairs, realize monogamy is just not for you, want to bring everything above board and declare yourself polyamorous?

Looking to cast 5 primary characters who, along with their partners, lovers, spouses, are willing to be completely out and open as you challenge traditional monogamy and embrace or explore this new “love-style” movement.

Date/ Time:
Friday October 24th
11 am-4 pm

Location:
Linton Media Offices
68 Jay Street, Suite 409
(corner of Jay and Front in Dumbo, Brooklyn-Take F train to York Street)
Brooklyn, NY 11201

Questions: poly@lintonmedia.com

Folks have asked me to put a copy of my Poly Pride keynote speech online, so here it is.

Poly Pride Keynote
Tristan Taormino
October 4, 2008

Thanks to Polyamorous NYC for hosting this and all the other events this weekend in celebration of Poly Pride, and especially to Birgitte and Lyndell for inviting me to be here, and Antonia, Justen, Patrick, Rich, and Mark for their organizing efforts.

When I was researching my new book on open relationships, I read the classic 1973 book Group Marriage by Larry and Joan Constantine, which was based on interviews with people all over the U.S. who were living in group marriages. Back then, the Constantines found their first interview subjects through a very loosely organized group that published a newsletter called “The Harrad Letter” and held sporadic meetings somewhere in New England. From there, the couple tracked people down through word of mouth, even innuendo and gossip. They followed up every lead they got by writing letters to people asking them to participate in their study. Then, they packed up their Volkswagen Squareback and made six cross-country trips in three years to talk to these people. It’s pretty remarkable to think that they had the courage to literally drive to the homes of complete strangers, knock on their doors, and talk to them about something no one was talking about back then.

Thirty five years later, here we are in Central Park, and looking out into this crowd today, obviously a lot has changed. People interested in consensual non-monogamy have many resources at their disposal, and we no longer have to drive cross country to find each other. This is due in large part to the work of educators and activists within the growing polyamory movement. But while we can connect, network, and support each other, there is still a great deal of misunderstanding about our relationships. Many of us cannot be open with our loved ones about our lives for fear of being ostracized or discriminated against. We face ignorance and hostility because we dare to challenge two intertwined institutions: marriage and monogamy.

Marriage as we know it is changing. Conservatives would say it’s under attack, under fire. I say it’s just under construction. And hopefully, this fall on Election Day, we can also say it’s under new management. Queer people are at the forefront of the movement to re-define marriage right now, and unfortunately—with typical divide-and-conquer tactics—the Right Wing has pitted queers and polyfolk against one another. Conservative Stanley Kurtz said “Among the likeliest effects of gay marriage is to take us down a slippery slope to legalized polygamy and ‘polyamory.’ Marriage will be transformed into a variety of relationship contracts, linking two, three, or more individuals (however weakly and temporarily) in every conceivable combination of male and female.” As if that is a bad thing? Celebrating more love and more commitments between consenting adults?

Some gays and lesbians have responded to the charge of the “slippery slope” by calling it ridiculous, but others have defended gay marriage by denouncing polyamory. What about those of us who are queer and poly? Queers and polyfolk have a lot in common, and we need to recognize the ways we can help each other. Queer people must stand up and say we believe in the rights of everyone to love, commit to, and marry whomever they want. We must not throw polyamory under the bus in favor of advancing queer marriage rights.

We need to listen to each other and learn from each other. The polyamory movement can learn a lot from the GLBT movement. The poly community must strive to be an INCLUSIVE community. We cannot turn our backs on poly swingers or solo polyamorists or that one really slutty poly friend we all have. We cannot shrug off monogamous folks who want to be our allies. We need to embrace all those people around us who are challenging monogamy in some way and who believe in the rights of people to protect their relationships, whatever form they take. And we need to find a way to change the climate in this country, by creating community to foster a larger awareness and understanding of multi-love relationships.

People ask me a lot, “What did you learn from the people you interviewed for Opening Up? What do they all have in common? What makes open relationships work?” There are some common principles. Honesty. Self awareness. Trust. Communication. Boundaries. Commitment.

And this may be what is scariest of all to our enemies: we practice what they preach. We have values. We have many of the exact same values they that they claim over and over we don’t. Values is such a loaded term, it has become laced with religion and morality and the conservative right wing has tried to equate values, like family values, with a heterosexual, 2-parent, married, nuclear family. We need to reclaim the word values. We need to rip it out of the hands of pundits and bigots and stand up to defend OUR polyamorous values.

Our society is poised to change dramatically in the next decade. Like other minorities before us, polyamorous people need to come out when it’s safe to do so and educate our loved ones, our neighbors, our doctors and others around us about our lives. We need to tell our stories. I’ve had the privilege to hear the stories of hundreds of people in non-monogamous relationships. Like Leslie from Minnesota whose two husbands supported her through chemotherapy after she was diagnosed with cancer. Or Cat in Oklahoma, who lost custody of her children for being polyamorous. Or a poly circle of four in the Pacific Northwest who have owned a house and raised their kids together for over fifteen years. We must speak our truths. If we don’t tell the world who we are, people are left to imagine, to fall back on stereotypes, to create fictions which don’t represent us.

Larry and Joan Constantine took a leap of faith thirty five years ago and started knocking on doors to find others like them. We need to take a cue from them and start busting down some doors of our own. If we join together, support each other, and increase our visibility, we can only get stronger. And we need our strength because WE are at the forefront of those who will redefine love, commitment, and family in this century.

My trip to Boston was fantastic: a standing room only reading at indie bookstore Symposium Books on Saturday and a sold-out workshop at Good Vibrations on Monday. Boston was showing me some major love! Plus, I got to hang out with my big brother and his partner and spend some quality time together. As promised, several people at the workshop requested local resources, and here they are:

Poly Boston

Informal Poly Meet Ups: Tuesday at the Diesel Cafe in Davis Square.  They run from 4 pm-10 pm, with most people showing up between 5-7 pm.  This has no formal organizer and no host.  Just show up.

Queer Women’s Poly Meet Up: the 2nd Wednesday of the month. Please RSVP to Donna, dalbino83 at yahoo.com.

Monday Poly Dinners at Bertucci’s: Every fourth Monday at the Bertucci’s Pizzeria at the Alewife T station.  Please RSVP to Jay, js at aq.org.

Bostonians and other locals, feel free to chime in via the comments with others…

Poly Living is a great polyamory conference founded by the late George Marvil, which has been taken on by the Loving More folks. It’s in Philadelphia, February 27-March 1, 2009. The weekend will feature regionally and nationally known presenters and two keynote speakers (one of whom is Polyamory Weekly’s Cunning Minx!). The early registration rate will be available through  11:59 pm tonight. After that, rates go up, so sign up now!

I have a bunch of events this coming weekend as part of the Poly Pride festivities. I’m one of the speakers at the Rally in Central Park on Saturday and will be in the park for the picnic, rally, and hanging around. Sunday, there is a big reading of authors with poly-related books at Bluestockings, and I will read from Opening Up. Afterwards, I’ve been invited to the Poly Leadership Summit, which should be interesting. Monday and Tuesday, I’ll be working, having meetings, and seeing friends. Then I head to the College of Wooster in Wooster, Ohio, where I’ll give a talk on queer sex. I love Wooster, I have spoken there several times and it’s always a good time!

Sorry to be MIA for a few months, but I have been busier than ever! After New Orleans, I took a much-need vacation in Europe. As soon as I got back to the states, I hit the ground running to prepare for a grueling shoot schedule in August. In LA, we filmed four new movies: Midori’s Expert Guide to Sensual Bondage with world-renowned bondage expert/sex educator Midori; my Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men (finally!); Penny Flame’s Expert Guide to Rough Sex; and a new series I’m shooting for Vivid called Rough Sex. Stay tuned for details about the release of all those movies in the next 12 months! While in LA, I also had a standing room only Opening Up reading at Book Soup in West Hollywood, and they sold out of books! Woo-hoo!

We just returned from our most successful Dark Odyssey: Summer Camp ever: the event was sold out, the weather was gorgeous, and much fun was had by all. Look for my Village Voice column next week about one particular thing at camp. And mark your calendars now for Dark Odyssey: Winter Fire which will be Valentine’s Weekend, February 13-15, 2009, in Washington DC. You do not want to miss it!

Although I always say I am going to slow things down, the Fall is already pretty booked. I am thrilled to be a keynote speaker at the 8th annual Poly Pride Day in Central Park in New York City on October 4, and I’ll read at the poly book reading at Bluestockings the next day. After that, I head to Wooster, Boston, and Portland, Maine, and Minnesota State University/Mankato for some cool events. In November, I will be in the other Portland (Oregon) as well as Seattle. Right now, I am finishing up a new book, editing my latest Vivid-Ed title, Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Threesomes, and working on a project I am not quite ready to tell you about. Patience. I don’t want to jinx it!

You may have noticed I’ve been off the grid…I was in Europe and I shall tell you all about it. But first, we must pick up where we left off: Columbus, Ohio.

We arrived in Delaware, Ohio at Mireille and Dorian’s house where we planned to stay overnight. It was pouring rain! I met Mireille at a conference in May; she is a professor at UC Santa Barbara, and we hit it off right away. This was the first time we got to meet each other’s partners. Then Colten and I were off to Columbus. We had dinner with Michael and Robbie who showed us the Pride Issue of Outlook Weekly, hot off the press! Outlook Weekly co-sponsored my Columbus reading and really helped get the word out.

Michael, Robbie, and I with the Pride issue of Outlook Weekly

After dinner, we headed to a Chinese restaurant where a group of about twenty-five people from a local poly group were eating. They had made my reading their monthly outing! We visited for a while with Barak and Brat Sheba of Adventures in Sexuality (who have presented at Dark Odyssey and are wonderful), and I was surprised to learn that Julia, who we know from DO too, has moved to Columbus to be with her sweetheart.

We all went over to Borders where I was greeted by a nice woman who showed me where I’d be reading. This was my first Opening Up reading at a big chain store (rather than an independent one), and I realized that I had to edit my talk slightly since there would be customers (especially kids) roaming the store. Lorna drove from Yellow Springs, Mireille and Dorian were there, and so was Luster, who we haven’t seen in a million years. Luster is an amazing performer and drag king from Columbus who also organizes the International Drag King Extravaganza (IDKE), which is celebrating its 10th anniversary this fall.

I read for a while then took questions. We raffled off the Astroglide basket, and a well-know guy from the local poly community, along with several of his partners, were thrilled to win. It was once again standing room only at the store (with over 50 people there, and one clerk told me they expected 10-15), and they sold out of books! The Midwest just showed me so much love—I cannot get over it!

One of my interviewees in Columbus came to the reading and introduced herself and her partner. She was such a sweetheart and she brought me the most amazing gift: a cupcake made of old sweaters created by her mom. How fantastic is that?

Afterwards, we went to a local ice cream place called Graeters, where I ordered the specialty: a buckeye sundae with peanut butter chocolate chip ice cream and hot fudge. It was yummy, but I couldn’t finish it, so Dorian gladly helped me out! We drove back to Delaware in one of the worst rain storms I have ever driven in. There was golf-ball sized rain drops coming down, and it was insane. We all made it home in one piece and the four of us hung out. Mireille and Dorian showed us pictures from their trip to Europe which got me very excited for ours! Then we fell asleep in one of the most comfortable beds we’ve been in on our trip. We woke up the next morning, drove to the airport, and got on a plane to New Orleans!